What is resilience and how can you build it?

María Cristina Forero Pérez, Registered psychologist no. 23181 · 6 November 2026 · 5 min read

The word resilience comes from physics: it is a material's ability to recover its shape after being put under pressure. In psychology we use it to talk about something similar but richer: people's ability to go through difficult situations, adapt and, often, come out of them having learned something.

Being resilient is not putting up with everything

Resilience is sometimes confused with endurance: not complaining, gritting your teeth and carrying on. That is not it. A resilient person also feels fear, sadness or anger. The difference is that they allow themselves to feel it, process it and, over time, find a way to move forward without getting stuck in the pain.

And there is more good news: resilience is not a trait you are either born with or not. It is a process that is learned and practised throughout life.

Five pillars that support it

1. Relationships. Having people to talk to and ask for help is one of the most protective factors.
2. Self-awareness. Knowing what affects you, what you need and what your resources are.
3. Flexibility. Accepting that some things are not up to you and focusing your energy on those that are.
4. Meaning. Connecting with what matters to you, your values and your plans.
5. Self-care. Sleeping, moving, eating well and giving yourself time to rest is also caring for your mind.

Questions to reflect on

This is not a test and it does not give a score: they are questions to look at yourself honestly and kindly.

• When something goes wrong, can I stay calm and focus on what needs to be done?
• Do I see difficulties as temporary things I can overcome?
• Can I express what I feel and ask for help when I need it?
• Do I learn from my experiences, including the bad ones?
• Do I allow myself not to be okay for a while without judging myself for it?

If any answer has stirred something in you, it is a good clue about where to focus your attention.

When support is needed

There are moments, such as a loss, a separation, a change of job or an illness, when our own resources are not enough. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness: it is also part of resilience. Psychological support is a space to make sense of what you feel and build new tools.

Educational content. It is not a diagnosis or a treatment recommendation and does not replace an assessment by a healthcare professional. If any symptom persists, please see your doctor.